6 Words I Always Have To Add To My Phone

6 Words I Always Have To Add To My Phone.png

Hello, lovely readers! Are you excited for Christmas? Yes? Great, you don’t need any help feeling festive. No? Also great, this post is completely free of holiday whatot.

I got a new phone last week, and after setting it up, texting my friends celebratory cat gifs, (shoutout to you, Joy!) and installing all my old apps, I realized there was one problem-this phone didn’t recognize a lot of the words I use.

For example, according to my new Motorola G4,  ‘fortytwoish’ is not a word.

”Well, it isn’t a word, Natalie, keep your pants on,” you say.

Excuse you, to paraphrase my dear fictional friend Bucky Katt, my talking websterizes wordage automatically.

”Now you’re not even speaking English!” you protest. ”Honestly, Natalie, did you hit your head? Really hard?”

Actually, yes, I did hit my head yesterday chasing after a two year old, but that is completely unrelated. What I said was that if I can say a word, it’s therefore a word and I should be able to use it in my texts. So there.

Obviously, I sat down and spent the next hour adding a rather long list of words that I personally invented. Here they are, and the story behind each one.


‘Fortytwoish’

As you all learned in this post, I’m a Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy junkie, and along with lollipops, the number 5, and printables, I’m obsessed with the number 42. This particular incarnation of the number was first used when I had this conversation with my brother:

iphone-M33n

Now every time I type in ”f-o-r….” it suggests ‘fortytwoish’.  (and if you think I was being jerkish [see farther below], he had already eaten two bags of said M&Ms, and I wasn’t about to make it three)

‘LEPRecon’

Of course, my phone must recognize this. It stands for Lower Elements Police Reconnaissance, and if I must tell you, it’s from Artemis Fowl. Knowing me, you should have known that…

‘FuzzyTuzzBo/BuzzySchmuzzBa/TuzzyWuzzBo’

These are my pet names (no pun intended) for my cats. To get the full effect, you have to hear me loudly whisper them to my cat while petting them and mangling my grammar for effect. But recordings eat up storage, so a typical text conversation featuring felines goes like this;

kittytext.pngBecause as is clearly visible above, I have zero control when it comes to my cats.

‘FanFic/FanFiction’

I’m pretty sure my phone would accept ‘Fan Fiction’, as two separate words, but because I like smushing words together and capitalizing at weird intervals, I write it like that and my phone has been forced to accept it.

‘Freddled Gruntbuggly/Micturations/Plurdled Gabbleblotchis/Gobberwarts/Blurglecruncheon/Foonting Turlingdromes’

You probably saw that and thought I had gone completely nuts. I assure you, I haven’t. The above nonsensical arrangements of syllables are part of only the worst poetry in the galaxy, and the third worst in the universe….Vogon Poetry!

*crickets*

….From the Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy. Which I frequently text my brother when I have nothing better to do or when he’s not replying.

iphone-jD4nI do this quite a lot, actually….

‘Bloggage’

I like improving (mangling?) words by adding ‘-age’ to the end of the infinitive and using them that way with questionable grammar. For example;

iphone-LD4n.png
Other words I’ve improved (mangled); Jerk=jerkish/jerkishly. Food=foodage/foodishly. Fuzz=fuzzage/fuzzish.

Yes, I’m aware of the fact you all think I’m completely insane now.

Favorite invented word? Words your phone never recognizes?

lQTi3dvT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Pinterest…

Dear.png

Dear Pinterest, where would I be without you? On my darkest days, you were there in my favorites bar to console me with ridiculous memes that are only funny when you’re desperate.

Then again, without you, I’d probably have done better on that Latin final, because I’d have studied more if you weren’t there to distract me every 30 seconds.

But you did have gloriously colorful tantalizing pictures of cute flash cards that I was drooling over.

08492eb613d037f87b392cdb19e35aac.jpg

Yet, the problem with you is that the ideas I get from your library of approximatley 4.7 gazillion images and ideas always turn out looking terrible, from that failed crochet unicorn (ended up with a depressed looking groundhog with a misshapen lump on his forehead) to that time I tried to make keto fudge sauce (ended up with gaggingly sweet chocolate glop).

You were there for all my obsessions, from the ones that lasted two minutes (ombre hair) to the ones that have lasted two years (The Flaaaaaaash….Artemis Fowl!!!)

 

You made me realize that while I may be painfully socially awkward, a complete weirdo, geek, and nerd, I’m not the only one.

There are plenty of other people with my problem, we just only come together on the internet. Oh, joy.

I literally have a board entitled ”So True” for all those pins that make me go; ”OH D’ARVIT YAS”

Dear Pinterest, thank you for being there for all my fangirling needs;


But please, stop making me want so many things, for the love of lemurs, I’m never going to be able to get all of this, I have no money.

Pinterest, thank you for introducing me to LoadingArtist, Odd1sOut, and Sheldon thee Tiny Dinosaur, three hilarious webcomics that have kept me laughing (”What do I have to live for? Oh, wait, new LoadingArtist on Tuesday!”).

Dear Pinterest, you are many things, a distraction, and a great tool. (But mostly a distraction)

So thank you.

Yours Always, Except When I Have Schoolwork Or My Laptop Is Dead,

lQTi3dvT

Thoughts On Pinterest?

Google Translate

Translate.png

Hello, cupcakes! To put it quite bluntly, today I’m running random things through Google Translate to see just how badly it messes things up. Let’s just jump right in, because I have a feeling this will be hysterical.

To start, I sent a simple sentence through.

This is what happens when you run something through Google translate too many times.

 

This happens when you use Google Translate often.

Not so bad. I translated it from English to Spanish to French to Lithuanian and back to English. It still has some of what I said in it…

But what happens when you send song lyrics through the translator?

I got this life to fix
Threw it all out in a ditch
Broken down when I was sick
Gotta build it back up brick by brick
I got this life to fix
Threw it all out in a ditch
Broken down when I was sick
Gotta build it back up brick by brick

I left my home today
I didn’t have that much to say
This time alone is all I got
Singing my song in the parking lot
Every day I wake this way
Some the days I just can’t take
Get that money, get that break
You ain’t gonna win if you ain’t gonna play

Life To Fix|The Record Company

Annnnd here’s what Google Translate spit out;

I found this life to be resolved
He retired to a box
I broke up when I was sick
I have to rebuild bricks in the brick
I found this life to be resolved
He retired to a box
I broke up when I was sick
I have to rebuild bricks in the brick

Today I left my house
I did not say much
This time is the only thing I have
Singing my song in the park
Every day after this route
Some days I can not take
Take that money, take that rest
You will not get a victory if you are not playing

What Google Translate Spat Out|Google

*cracks up* That was my favorite song run through from English to Irish to Italian to Spanish. ”He retired to a box?” Where the heck did that come from?

So what about poems? (I’m feeling wicked now).

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Google, however, gave me this;
Spread two roads in a yellow forest,
And I’m sorry, I could not travel so much
And being a traveler, I stood up for a long time
And I looked down, as far as possible
At the point he focused in the brush;
Then he took the other, just as right,
And maybe it’s the best application
Because he was covered with grass and looking for clothes,
Who belongs to the passage there
I really used them in the same way, 

And these two mornings were so calm
In the leaves, step by step was not black.
Oh, I kept the next one for another day!
However, I know how the road goes to the street
I suspect it will never come back.

I say with a sigh
Somewhere, age and age, then:
I left two roads in a forest, and I,
I visited at least,
And that did that difference.

What Google Translate Spat Out by Google

To be honest, I think this isn’t too bad. But ”he was covered in grass and looking for clothes?” What?? Next time I’m supposed to memorize a poem, I’m totally going to do the translated version

I just know Google will mangle this. For my final act, I’m running a text conversation through Irish, Italian, Spanish, and back to English.

NTgxNDE2

That’s what my friend and I actually said.

Google Translate, however, disagrees.

NTgxNDE2

*facedesks* Hahahahahaha!!! I had no idea I that I’m CEO of Google Translate. But then again, apparently I’m ”despairing”, so maybe that’s why I haven’t noticed!

Wow, this post was really fun to make. Hope you guys laughed as much as I did!

Thoughts on Google Translate and Robert Frost?

lQTi3dvT