American Stereotypes Debunked ft. Bayance

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The long awaited part twooooo of our (mine and Bayance’s ) Canada and USA collab! Now we finally get to debunk and find out the truth behind Canadian stereotypes of Americans-and don’t forget to check out Bayance’s post as she debunks my preconceived notions of Canadians.

Q. When is America going to realize that they should ban guns instead of kinder eggs?
A. Uh…never? The 2nd amendment gives us the right to bear arms, so we are not ever  banning firearms, but at some point they’ve gotta make an amendment to allow Kinder Eggs…I mean, the FDA doesn’t allow them because of ”choking hazards” but seriously, nobody’s going to choke on that capsule…AND IT’S CHOCOLATE FOR THE LOVE OF LEMURS.
Q. Do all American schools have cheerleaders?
A. As far as I know, but I have like no experience with schools, so I can’t say for sure.
Q. Is every football player a jerk in America?
A. Nope, I know a guy who plays football and he’s pretty nice. Although I’ve definitely heard that football players often get really snobby.
Q. Is there a lot of racism?
A. No, not really. I’ve never actually witnessed any, and although some people blame it for not getting accepted into colleges and jobs, I honestly think we’re pretty racism-free. 
Q. Are people from Texas all cowboys (and girls)?
A. Nope! I know several people from Texas and some of them have never even ridden a horse..
Q. Do people is the US really get homeschooled because kids are mean?
A. Oh, no. I’m homeschooled because my mom loves teaching, but I’ve never even gone to school. I’ve heard of lots of people begging to be homeschooled because of bullying or just hating school, but most parents don’t just pull their kids from school and homeschool them just because of jerks.
Q. Are there really different accents in different US states?
A. Yes! In the south, people say ”y’all”, and in Boston people pronounce ‘er’ as ‘ah’ (chowder vs chowdah).
Q. Do most people have blond hair in America?
A. Actually, brunette is more common. A lot of brunettes dye their hair blonde, which could contribute to the stereotype, and then there’s Barbie dolls, so that might be it. But for the record, I’m blonde, haha.
Q. Do all youtubers really live in America
A. Um, no, I’m pretty sure Youtubers live all over the world. Exhibit A: Agoverseasfan. Boom.
Q. Does everyone really hate Donald Trump?
A. Oh, dear me, no. I certainly don’t, it’s really just the media who wants his head on a platter. Really, he only got elected because he was a  billion times better than Hillary Clinton, who would have killed the country a billion different ways, and is also a complete crook. So…yeah, no.
Haha, so clearly, Bayance’s got some warped views of Americans…go check out my probably even more warped views of Canadians in her post.
Thanks for reading, guys!
Favorite stereotype? Thoughts on Kinder Surprise Eggs?
lQTi3dvT

 

 

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5 Hilarious Ways To Deal With Telemarketers

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It’s my 42nd post! Which, if you are an intelligent life form, you should know is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. Cheers, cupcakes! 

Telemarketers. We all hate them. I mean, seriously, why? Yes, I know they make a living doing this, but most of them just will not give up trying to sell you some kind of car insurance. When you hang up, they call again, and again, and again….super annoying. In an effort to make these irritating callers go away, I came up with several great ways to make telemarketers leave you alone for good. Plus, they’re all hilarious, so what’s not to like? 

 Technique #1: The No English Trick

This one is pretty self explanatory-when you pick up the phone, string together a couple of non English words (any language will do, they don’t even have to be all the same language) and reply with that.

Telemarketer; Hello, I’m calling about a special credit card feature….

You; Quoi? Como estas mihi nomen revoir?

Telemarketer; Excuse me?

You; Je ne sais quoi? Hola nihao?

Telemarketer; *hangs up*

Sometimes it takes a couple of repetitions for them to go away, but since they normally are trying to bait as many people as possible, they’ll hang up as to not waste time.

Technique #2; Practice Your Singing

A personal favorite of mine, once you realize it’s a telemarketer, wait for them to finish their opening line, and then start singing whatever song makes you happy-very loudly. I love belting out Weird Al or songs from Hamilton (especially You’ll Be Back-gets ’em every time) but anything will work as long as you sing it loud and clear. If the person on the other end doesn’t hang up in 5.7 seconds, consider it a great compliment.

Telemarketer: Hello, I’d like to speak to….about a great deal on car insurance…

You; ”To ten million fireflies/I’m weird ’cause I hate goodbyes/I got misty-eyed as they said FAREWELL…(Fireflies//Owl City)

Telemarketer;….I’m sorry-what are you-can I just say-*hangs up*

Of course, you get the most satisfaction if the telemarketer splutters and keeps trying to get a word in edgewise while you’re singing.

Technique #3; Tell It Like It Is

This trick works especially well on numbers that have been calling you for a while and you just want to get rid of them-just inform them that you are a) a minor and therefore b) they’re wasting their time.

Telemarketer; How would you like to pay your mortgage off in two years?

You; Well, sure that’d be nice….

Telemarketer; Yes…but?

You; But I happen to be a minor female child with a lot of attitude who has your number…

Telemarketer; Um…oh…er…

You; So what was that you were saying about paying off a mortgage?

Telemarketer; *hangs up*

This one is sometimes the most satisfactory.

Technique #4; The Knock-Knock Trick

Okay, sometimes I like getting telemarketers just so I can mess with them. With this technique, just use your favorite knock-knock joke, and I guarantee that number will never call again.

Telemarketer; Hello, I have important information regarding an insurance policy that will pay for itself!

You; Knock-Knock!

Telemarketer; Uh…what?

You; Interrupting cow!

Telemarketer; What are you-

You; MOOOOOOOO!!!

Telemarketer; *hangs up*

Another tip-just saying ”MOOOOO!” very loudly until they hang up is also very handy.

Technique #5; Answering Machine

Another favorite, simply pretend the call has gone to voicemail. Feel free to make the voicemail for anything of anywhere-like Hogwarts or the LEPRecon.

Telemarketer; Hello, I’d like to-

You; Hello, you have reached Camp Half-Blood, 2245 Long Island, New York. We are currently not available due to the fact that we regularly decapitate bloodthirsty monsters, but if you would leave your name and number after the tone….

Telemarketer; *Hangs up*

I recommend using a fictional place everyone knows about for maximum hilarity, but anything works. (if I ever come across a telemarketer who knows what AF is I’ll be happy forever)

Using my techniques,hopefully you can at least have fun when you get junk calls. Because once you get the hang of these, it’s almost entertaining. Sort of like prank calling someone but without actually prank calling someone, haha.

Most ridiculous call you’ve ever received? Favorite way to deal with telemarketers?

lQTi3dvT

 

 

 

Two Truths+A Lie Blogger Edition

Two Truths+Lie
Well, hello there!
I’m back today with a revamped version of a popular party game-Two Truths and a Lie. Essentially, someone states three facts about themselves, two are true, one is false. Everyone else has to guess which one is the lie, and the person who guesses the most correctly gets a point. Today I’m here with the awesome Bayance and Emmie, and we’re going to see which friend knows me better. Ready?
A. I don’t have pierced ears, I only wear clip-ons.
B. My birthday is in January.
C. I have five siblings.
Emmie; The lie is… C.
Bayance; WHAT! How do I not know when your birthday is?? I know C is right but….!! *quickly scans all comments and emails and blog posts* AHAAAA I found it! On June 6 2018, on AGG, you posted Birthdays and Beginnings. Mwahahaha – so A is a lie. And wow, I can’t believe I never asked for your birthday. I’ll be sure to send you Flash merch next year xD. 
Wait, what? Yes, the lie is A, but…I posted that in  January?  (but please do still send me Flash merch.) Emmie, you’d better believe it, I do have five siblings, crazy, eh? XD
A. I have three cats.
B. I’m lactose intolerant.
C. My favorite drink is coke.
Emmie; C
Bayance; C IS THE LIEEE. We literally talked about doing a Why I Hate Pop collab so ding ding ding XD
Ding-ding-ding!! One point for both of you!
A. I share a room with my two sisters
B. I take ballet and tap
C. I knit
Emmie; A
Bayance; Okay B is right. Andd found it again. On taking the cake, Natalie posted 10 Things she can’t live without and one of them was yarn aka crochet and knitting. So yay! The lie is A. Wow this slowly is turning into tracking down facts about Natalie because I’m a terrible friend. 
Nope, I do share a room with my sisters and I suck at anything other than ballet…but nice one on the yarn! (I’m starting to envy people who have their own rooms…)
A. I’ve been blogging on TTC since 2017
B. I live on a farm
C. I’m nearsighted
Emmie; B
Bayance; Ha. Ha. Ha. You started TTC on your birthday actually but of 2018. So that makes A the lie. Wow I’m seriously cheating right now.
One point for Bayance…sorry, Emmie! Although maybe I shouldn’t count that because even Bay admits that was cheating?
A. My favorite bands are Kaleo and Owl City
B. I also love Britt Nicole
C. I prefer earbuds to headphones
Emmie; C
Bayance; Whattt? Okay I’m too lazy to search these up but I think the lie is C?
GUYS SERIOUSLY. I hate Britt Nicole with a fiery passion, haven’t I ranted on this yet? (nothing on Britt Nicole the person but her songs seriously make me want to bang my head against a wall.) No points given!
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A. I hate guacamole
B. I hate rodents
C. I hate anything grape-flavored
Emmie; B
Bayance; It’s gotta be C. You did say you loved Avocado so the first one’s not true…wait. Omg I’m so dumb. A is the lie haha.
Didn’t I do a post where I said I hated rodents?? A is the lie, guacamole is amazing, lol. One point for Bayance (I’m totally not keeping track here, oops)
A. I just got my second pair of pointe shoes
B. I wear Bloch European Balance
C. I never get pointe blisters
Emmie; C. Hands down.
Bayance; C IS A LIEEE! Right? I mean I’d get toe funerals if I ever wear them so blisters are almost guaranteed!
Okay, this was actually one of the hardest ones because I’m pretty sure only like 5% of the ballerina population avoids blisters, but A is the lie. I have never gotten a pointe blister, I’m so special, lol.

special

A. I just got contacts
B. I just got a second piercing in my ears
C. I just got my left and right splits
Emmie; A
 Bayance; According to Life Updates in February 2018, you just got your left splits so…did you get the right ones? Waait a second. On my contacts post, you absolutely hated them but don’t you dance? I DON’T KNOW. Okay I’ll go with B.
Yay, Bayance!! I want a second hole really bad, but I’m not allowed to get one until my 14th birthday….*sniff* One point for Bay!
A. I’m a sucker for grammar
B. I’m a sucker for spelling
C. I’m a sucker for soda
Emmie; B?
Bayance; GRAMMAR AND SPELLING ARE LIKE RELATED. Oh wait that makes it easier. C is the lie. 
Another one for Bayance…Emmie, are you doing okay there??
Hang in there, this is the last one!
A. When I was five, I backflipped off a wagon onto pavement and got a concussion
B. Once, the FBI showed up at my house.
C. I can hold a handstand for five minutes.
Emmie;…..?
Bayance; Woaah. C is probably the lie. I barely did 5 seconds in 5th grade and broke my collarbone so… But wait, in China it’s regular to hold it for 40 minutes. Ughhh! Fine I’m still going with C. You need to tell me about the first two.
I BETTER GET 50%!! 
Wow, Bay, you totally called that one. I had to wrack my brains to think of weird impossible things for this last one and you guessed it, I’m impressed….wait, you do know what the FBI is right? (oh, nevermind, yes you do, this post)
Anyway, yes, I did backflip off a wagon in kindergarten and get a concussion, and the FBI DID show up at my house once (no, nobody was arrested, they were interviewing someone on the Russian Adoption Ban)
serious
And now the score is…
*scrolls back up to count points*
Today’s champion is your very own (if you’re Canadian, I guess?) Bayance, with 6.5 points! (the half is because she admitted she cheated on that one).
Apparently, Bayance knows me better than Emmie, but maybe that’s just because I comment weird things on Bay’s blog?
Anyway, thanks for reading and being part of the TTC crew!
Have you ever played two truths and a lie? What’s one really weird thing about you?
lQTi3dvT

Blogger Problems #4

Blogger Problems

GUYS LOOK I’M BACK FROM THE DEAD HURRAY!

Kidding, kidding, I didn’t die, and I’m back now. And I didn’t return alone because I have another installment of le Blogger Problems for you peeps. (is it weird that when I say that I think of marshmallow peeps?)

Anyway, let’s get started, shall we?

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Credit to Kat@Novels and Waffles for this one-veeeeeeery true…..And then how you want to get out of it but you can’t bring yourself to unfollow someone. Definitely check out Kat’s blog if you haven’t- she has hilarious book reviews and one of the best blog designs ever. (if you think MY blog makes you hungry…)

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….basically the reason I was gone for so long….any post requests/ideas are welcome, and and I mean ANYTHING. (within reason)

What are some #bloggerproblems you’ve been having? Any idea on how to beat writer’s block?
lQTi3dvT

 

How Well Does An American Know Canada? Ft. Bayance

How Much Does An American Know About Canada_

Canada and the United States. They’re literally stacked on top of each other, and are pretty tolerant of each other, so therefore we probably know at least a preliminary amount about each other-right?

Well today I’m being joined by my internet bestie and utterly fabulous blogger Bayance, to see if that’s actually true. She’s Canadian, I’m American (still trying to figure out how to mail myself across the border so we can hang out, any ideas are welcome)and we both asked each other trivia questions about our own country. Without too much googling, we had to answer them. Make sure to go over to  Bayance’s post, where I quiz her on her knowledge of the USA.

Annnnnd I’ve been chattering way too long, so let’s get started

Questions are in bold
My answers are in plain text
Bayance is in italics
1. Who is Canada’s prime minister?
Um…what’s a prime minister? Haha, just kidding, it’s like the president…sort of? Is it…um…William Robert Joseph, aka Billy Bob Joe?
WHAT?! I thought that was a legit president but no. 😂 It’s Justin Trudeau and yeah it’s kind of like a president. 
2. What is the capital of Canada?
Regina? Saskatchewan?
Okay this is disappointing. I thought you’d be like everyone else and say Toronto or Montreal but nope, the fricking prairies. 😂Lol it’s Ottowa.
I’m sorry I had to say this, so wow, Canadians named Otto have a whole city? Sweet Monkey Fritters.
Oh, wait, but then again, all the Marys in the USA have a whole state, Maryland, so I guess that’s not too novel.
3. When was Canada founded?
Uhhh…1889? 1915? I really have no idea.
Eh..kind of close. 1867.
4. What is Canada’s population?
800,000. Yes, that was supposed to sound confident but it was a complete guess.
Bruh we’re the second largest country in the world. It’s 38 million. 😂
Seriously how did I not know that like what??
whatdidyousay
5. How many time zones does Canada have?
Hmmm….3? We have four, but one is really small, so….
Six lol 😂
6. What is a two dollar bill called in Canada?
OH! I know this one because you mentioned it in a post that for some reason I remember when I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast today. It’s called a toonie, yes?
Yayyy your first point. Btw funny story – today my siblings had an event and they sold toonie jars and you have to roll the dice and pay $2 to get a jar full of treats from the school. And guess what one of the ones we got was? Glue and popsicle sticks like whattt? It was so sad because I was really expecting those good chocolate bars but no. So now whenever my sister asks me a question, I reply with toonie in a very weird accent because I’m still traumatized. Lol wow I’m so dramatic but anyways.
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7. How many provinces and territories are in Canada? Which one is the largest?
12 provinces (I’m sorry, I looked this one up) and I’m guessing for territories…four? Eight? I have no idea bout size, though.
Nice try – 10 provinces and 3 territories. Nunavut is the biggest. 
8. Who was the first prime minister of Canada?
Barry Allen! Justin Bieber! Nelson Mandela! (zero clue on this one)
I’m actually going to cry from these answers. 😂😂Really, Justin Bieber? It’s John A. Mcdonald.
9. What is the National anthem called?
Well there’s this slightly off color American joke about the national anthem, saying that it basically goes ”Oh, oh, oh, maple syrup and some mooses….” but I’m assuming that’s NOT how it goes…um, is it ”Plaid Flannel Shirts Forever”? or ”It’s Always Freezing Here?”
Okay I really don’t get all these stereotypes. They sell maple syrups in like supermarkets and I’ve never seen a moose so…😂 Hey, flannel shirts are bae! And no it’s called ‘O Canada’ and it goes ”Ohhh Canada our home and native landdd true patriot loveee-”okay you can search it up. 😂
WHATT YOU’VE NEVER SEEN A MOOSE?? I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY

noidea

10. Draw a Canadian flag and insert it here.

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I drew this on the back of my Latin quiz so cross your fingers I won’t have to explain the whole thing to my Latin teacher because it’ll make me sound nuts
Hey, that’s not too bad! But the maple leaf has more corners than that lol. But what’s with the Ho?

So…essentially I know almost nothing about Canada, except what they call their $2 bill. But hey, at least this was funny. Stay tuned for next week’s stereotypes post, where we find out if Canadians really do drink maple syrup and if Americans really do think Kinder eggs are more hazardous than weapons.
Are you Canadian or American? If not, what are you*?
Don’t forget to check out Bayance’s post because it’s bound to be way better than mine!
lQTi3dvT
*Hopefully a person, but I mean like where are you from, lol

August Recap//September Stuff

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Why, oh why, does August have to be over? I was enjoying all those lazy days so much…

Summer freetime withdrawal aside, nothing much happened this month because I spent it relaxing (which means I was being lazy), but for the sake of posterity here’s a recap.

Blogging

So, this month I posted three times. And I would have posted this yesterday, but that would have made four times in one month and that wouldn’t have done at all (you’ll only get that if you’ve read Artemis Fowl)

I looked at my poll results and they were…interesting. So nobody cared much for my Q&As, tags/awards, or practical posts. And only 22% of people wanted to see my life posts. Most of you like my funny posts (77.78%)

And ya know what, to be honest, those are my favorite kind of posts to write. TTC may be going through a little rejiggering phase to focus more on the funny, and less on the lifestyle, but it’ll be mostly the same. Just funnier 😉

August’s most popular post was Dear Pinterest… (definitely my favorite, too)

My favorite post from around the blogosphere was probably Struggles Of Having Thick Hair-so relatable!

And that just about wraps up blogging.


Life

This month was so nice and relaxed until all of a sudden at the end I just realized how nuts this year is gonna be, and then more stuff to make it crazier happened.

  • I have ballet 4 days a week
  • I have co-op on Wednesdays and oh, joy, one of my best friends isn’t going to be there because her mom decided to ship her off to public school. I don’t want to be rude (who am I kidding, I’m about to be really salty) but wHaT tHe MoNkEy FrItTeRs WhY?? Like, thanks sooooo much for taking my best friend away from me, I really appreciate it. With legit no warning, she was going to be in the co-op and then last week her mom informed us that she isn’t. Whyyyyyy?
  • I got a new cat! Actually, that was back in July, but I don’t know if I announced it? Anyway, he’s a sweet little gray tuxedo with uneven socks and his name is Apollo. And oh my lemurs, he’s so little! Barely more than a kitten, so he’s super playful and silly. Shhhh-I think I’m his favorite human!
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He knocked over my fairy garden and scared the fairies away ;p
  • My ballet school hired me? Haha, no, not like that, I’m a teacher’s assistant on Mondays with the 6-7 year olds, which would be awesome enough, but they’re PAYING me, too!? I get $7/hour towards my tuition, plus I get to help with the little chubs? I said yes, of course, and I can’t wait.
  • A bunch of jerks moved up into my ballet class, but providentially they aren’t en pointe, so I get to escape them for that hour. I can just picture myself leaving class with my pointe shoes over my shoulder just being like, ”Later, losers! Have fun being bored in pre-pointe!” (which I’d never actually do, but it’s funny to think about)
  • I went fishing with my brothers at a nearby inlet of the bay, and they brought an inflatable raft. So after a while, I got tired of fishing from the pier, and asked for a ride in the boat. Well, long story short, I slipped and sat down in the water twice, ended up walking 50 yards just to get back to shore, and caught no fish, but not before I turned back at that raft and yelled ”Curse you and your manufacturers!!” Apparently I’m quite nautically inept. Interestingly the next time we took the raft to the water, it got accidentally stabbed with a fillet knife. Hopefully the curse didn’t reach the manufacturers….
  • I went leotard shopping and had an awesome time, like why have I never done this before?

Miscellaneous

  • I’m pretty much using GNU/Linux full time now ’cause Windows broke on my laptop, good riddance! Free as in freedom!
  • I learned to do flips on a trampoline-well, less learned, and more just took a risk and tried it. I’m now convinced my family needs one, because we have all this space anyway.
  • I got together with a friend I hadn’t seen in over a year, and OMG I just had the best time. We sang all the geeky songs we used to, ran back and forth across the backyard with umbrellas to try to get my brother and his friend’s attention, horsed around in the pool….it was fantastic. Although how I remembered all those ridiculous lyrics is beyond me.
  • Went AIP Paleo and to be honest I’m not liking it that much….

September Stuff

This month’s goals;

  • Keep up with my schoolwork
  • Keep up with both of my blogs
  • Stay Paleo (it’s not happening, I just know it)
  • Save enough money for a laptop I can put Linux on. Windows sucks, spies on me, and supports Planned Parenthood and the alphabet soup gang (LGBT ”marriage”)). Noooooo thank you
  • Freaking actually lose the weight I wanna lose, this month I’m really going to try to do it

How was your August? Are you loving or hating September?

lQTi3dvT

Easy/Healthy/Fast Breakfasts|Collab With Bayance|Back To School Marathon

Easy, Healthy Tasty Breakfasts

Greetings, cupcakes! It’s that time of year again where everyone is…either groaning or cheering because of….school!! Yay…

Now if you’re most people, you probably have on the order of 2.5 seconds to eat in the mornings. And if you’re like me, it’s seriously tempting to just grab a sugary granola bar or a toaster waffle. I used to have a theory that food in the morning can be healthy, fast, or delicious. Pick two. So most days, I just chose fast and delicious and ended up feeling like a dead person by 11 am.

Well, throw your waffles and carb-filled granola bars to the wind, because I’ve got three easy, healthy AND delicious breakfasts for you that will take you almost no time. And Bayance has three more so that’s a total of…well, I’ll let you do the math. It’s back-to-school after all. Think of it as a pop quiz, and if you pass, you get food. (wow, I’m bribing you)

 

Overnight Oats.png

Whoever invented this food deserves a Nobel Prize, because these are genius.

To make overnight oats, put 1/4 cup rolled oats in a jar. Pour in 1/2 cup milk, almond milk, or, if you’re feeling adventurous, orange juice. Add 1/2 tsp honey or sugar if you like things sweet, but it’s healthier if you don’t. Add chopped fresh or frozen fruit of your choice, any flavoring, give it a good stir, and chill overnight. In the morning, just open the fridge and feel like an A+ student. At least in the food department.

A few tasty combinations;

Oats+Milk+Strawberries+Drop of Vanilla+Strawberries and Cream

Oats+Orange Juice+Pineapple=Tropical Punch

Oats+Milk+1 tsp. Cocoa Powder+Bananas+1tsp. Peanut butter=Chocolate Monkey

 

Spinach Quiche.png

When you’re eating THIS in the morning, all feels right in the world. Because, c’mon how awesome is it to eat egg pie in the morning and still have time to spare? All you have to do for this breakfast is heat it up and slice it. Flaky, eggy, deliciousness. If you make this Sunday night, you’ll have enough to have breakfast each weekday.

1/2 cup butter

3 cloves garlic, chopped

1 small onion, chopped

1 (10 ounce) package frozen chopped spinach, thawed and drained

1 (4.5 ounce) can mushrooms, drained

1 (6 ounce) package herb and garlic feta, crumbled

1 (8 ounce) package shredded Cheddar cheese

salt and pepper to taste

1 (9 inch) unbaked deep dish pie crust (omit if you’re like me and trying to be low-carb)

4 eggs, beaten

Add all ingredients to list

1 cup milk

salt and pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).

  1. In a medium skillet, melt butter over medium heat. Saute garlic and onion in butter until lightly browned, about 7 minutes. Stir in spinach, mushrooms, feta and 1/2 cup Cheddar cheese. Season with salt and pepper. Spoon mixture into pie crust.
  2. In a medium bowl, whisk together eggs and milk. Season with salt and pepper. Pour into the pastry shell, allowing egg mixture to thoroughly combine with spinach mixture.
  3. Bake in preheated oven for 15 minutes. Sprinkle top with remaining Cheddar cheese, and bake an additional 35 to 40 minutes, until set in center. Allow to stand 10 minutes before serving.
In the morning, just cut a slice, reheat, and enjoy the flaky amazingness.
Grain-Free Granola Bars.png
I’m not going to lie, I loooove granola bars. They’re delicious, they pack easily, and you can eat them anywhere. However, most packaged brands make me feel awful becayse they have gluten and tons of sugar in them. These, though, are grain and gluten free, and have minimal sugar.
To make these you’ll need;

 

¼ cup raw honey

½ cup raw, unsweetened almond butter (or nut butter of choice – bonus points if you make your own nut butters!)

2 Tbsp coconut oil

1 tsp  vanilla

½ cup raw almonds

½ cup raw walnuts

½ cup raw cashews

½ cup raw pecans

5  dates, pits removed

¼ cup pepitas (raw pumpkin seeds)

¼ cup dried, unsweetened cranberries

¼ cup shredded unsweetened coconut

Instructions
  1. Line a 9×13 baking pan with parchment paper and set aside. Tip: make sure the parchment paper is large enough so that when the mixture is added, edges of the paper stick up. You can use the paper to grab and lift the bar out of the pan.
  2. In a saucepan over medium heat combine raw honey, almond butter, coconut oil and vanilla. Bring to a soft rolling boil, stirring to combine and to ensure that it doesn’t burn.
  3. Soak the dates in warm to hot water for about 10 minutes.
  4. In a food processor, blender or chopper, blend/grind/chop nuts until they are a coarse consistency. It’s ok to have some larger pieces of nuts left in the mix.
  5. Remove dates from water, and add softened dates to the nut mixture, pulsing to combine (I don’t have a food processor and this didn’t work well for me in the blender, so I just mixed the dates in by hand, and since they were soft enough, they combines really easily.) Transfer to a large mixing bowl.
  6. Add the pepitas, cranberries, help hearts and coconut to the nut and date mixture, stirring to get everything mixed together really well.
  7. Add the honey/nut butter mixture that’s been simmering on the stove to the nut mixture and stir to combine with a wooden spoon.
  8. Pour the granola bar mixture into the parchment paper lined pan, and using your fingers, press the mixture out evenly in the dish.
  9. Put in the freezer to cool for about 2 hours. Once cold, remove from the pan using the parchment paper to lift the bars out of the dish, and then with a sharp knife cut into bars.
  10. Store the bars in a sealed container in the fridge.

Enjoy your delicious guilt-free snacks.

When do you guys start school? Don’t forget to check out Bayance’s post!

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