My Completely Unrealistic Birthday Wishlist 2019

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Hello there, readers!

So tomorrow I turn 13. Which according to Wikipedia, is a natural number occurring between 12 and 14.

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I’m pretty sure you all knew that, so instead of writing a research paper on the number 13, I decided I’d do something else as not to force you guys to chew your own knees off with boredom.

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People keep asking me what I want for my birthday, but honestly, there aren’t a whole lot of material things I want. New pointe shoes because my current ones are dying, character shoes because I need them for the mazurka dance we’re doing, maybe some more cats…

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If anyone wants to give me a birthday present, give me this

The thing is, there are plenty of intangible things I want. A whole list, actually. And because I know that’s more interesting than rambling on about Triskaidekaphobia (fear of the number 13) and in case any of you happen to be interdimensional beings capable of powers perceived by normal humans as magic (if any of you are, please grant at least one of my wishes and make me incredibly happy) here’s the complete list:

  1. The ability to nail single and double pirouettes every time, in addition to a perfect extension.
  2.  For every one of those stupid rainbow pride flags to be obliterated from the Earth, and for everyone who supports that cause to come to their senses and/or cease and desist.
  3.  To actually look good in a leotard and tights
  4. For some terrible misfortune to befall the production of the Artemis Fowl movie such that causes it to be scrapped (said misfortune must be irreversible in order to leave no chance of the movie being made again)
  5.  For Minnie Mouse to be erased from the history of the world and henceforth made illegal
  6.  For my friend Joy to spontaneously move in right next to me so we can hang out every day
  7.  Ditto the above with my cousin
  8.  For my cats to suddenly gain the ability to speak English and/or walk on their hind legs like Bucky and Satchel
  9. To have long, thick, straight hair that goes easily into a bun
  10.  To run into a certain dark-haired, blue-eyed Irish boy named Artemis, and a certain sarcastic redheaded elf
  11. For all the incredibly stupid drama at dance to cease and desist, and for everyone who participated in it to be thoroughly ashamed.
  12.  For several more siblings, and for the Russian Adoption Ban to be lifted
  13.  Oh yeah, and peace and goodwill to all mankind.

Make sure to check back tomorrow for my whole blogiversary/birthday shebang, including me being annoyingly sappy and numerous cake photos.

Most unrealistic thing you want currently?

lQTi3dvT

6 Words I Always Have To Add To My Phone

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Hello, lovely readers! Are you excited for Christmas? Yes? Great, you don’t need any help feeling festive. No? Also great, this post is completely free of holiday whatot.

I got a new phone last week, and after setting it up, texting my friends celebratory cat gifs, (shoutout to you, Joy!) and installing all my old apps, I realized there was one problem-this phone didn’t recognize a lot of the words I use.

For example, according to my new Motorola G4,  ‘fortytwoish’ is not a word.

”Well, it isn’t a word, Natalie, keep your pants on,” you say.

Excuse you, to paraphrase my dear fictional friend Bucky Katt, my talking websterizes wordage automatically.

”Now you’re not even speaking English!” you protest. ”Honestly, Natalie, did you hit your head? Really hard?”

Actually, yes, I did hit my head yesterday chasing after a two year old, but that is completely unrelated. What I said was that if I can say a word, it’s therefore a word and I should be able to use it in my texts. So there.

Obviously, I sat down and spent the next hour adding a rather long list of words that I personally invented. Here they are, and the story behind each one.


‘Fortytwoish’

As you all learned in this post, I’m a Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy junkie, and along with lollipops, the number 5, and printables, I’m obsessed with the number 42. This particular incarnation of the number was first used when I had this conversation with my brother:

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Now every time I type in ”f-o-r….” it suggests ‘fortytwoish’.  (and if you think I was being jerkish [see farther below], he had already eaten two bags of said M&Ms, and I wasn’t about to make it three)

‘LEPRecon’

Of course, my phone must recognize this. It stands for Lower Elements Police Reconnaissance, and if I must tell you, it’s from Artemis Fowl. Knowing me, you should have known that…

‘FuzzyTuzzBo/BuzzySchmuzzBa/TuzzyWuzzBo’

These are my pet names (no pun intended) for my cats. To get the full effect, you have to hear me loudly whisper them to my cat while petting them and mangling my grammar for effect. But recordings eat up storage, so a typical text conversation featuring felines goes like this;

kittytext.pngBecause as is clearly visible above, I have zero control when it comes to my cats.

‘FanFic/FanFiction’

I’m pretty sure my phone would accept ‘Fan Fiction’, as two separate words, but because I like smushing words together and capitalizing at weird intervals, I write it like that and my phone has been forced to accept it.

‘Freddled Gruntbuggly/Micturations/Plurdled Gabbleblotchis/Gobberwarts/Blurglecruncheon/Foonting Turlingdromes’

You probably saw that and thought I had gone completely nuts. I assure you, I haven’t. The above nonsensical arrangements of syllables are part of only the worst poetry in the galaxy, and the third worst in the universe….Vogon Poetry!

*crickets*

….From the Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy. Which I frequently text my brother when I have nothing better to do or when he’s not replying.

iphone-jD4nI do this quite a lot, actually….

‘Bloggage’

I like improving (mangling?) words by adding ‘-age’ to the end of the infinitive and using them that way with questionable grammar. For example;

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Other words I’ve improved (mangled); Jerk=jerkish/jerkishly. Food=foodage/foodishly. Fuzz=fuzzage/fuzzish.

Yes, I’m aware of the fact you all think I’m completely insane now.

Favorite invented word? Words your phone never recognizes?

lQTi3dvT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

American Stereotypes Debunked ft. Bayance

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The long awaited part twooooo of our (mine and Bayance’s ) Canada and USA collab! Now we finally get to debunk and find out the truth behind Canadian stereotypes of Americans-and don’t forget to check out Bayance’s post as she debunks my preconceived notions of Canadians.

Q. When is America going to realize that they should ban guns instead of kinder eggs?
A. Uh…never? The 2nd amendment gives us the right to bear arms, so we are not ever  banning firearms, but at some point they’ve gotta make an amendment to allow Kinder Eggs…I mean, the FDA doesn’t allow them because of ”choking hazards” but seriously, nobody’s going to choke on that capsule…AND IT’S CHOCOLATE FOR THE LOVE OF LEMURS.
Q. Do all American schools have cheerleaders?
A. As far as I know, but I have like no experience with schools, so I can’t say for sure.
Q. Is every football player a jerk in America?
A. Nope, I know a guy who plays football and he’s pretty nice. Although I’ve definitely heard that football players often get really snobby.
Q. Is there a lot of racism?
A. No, not really. I’ve never actually witnessed any, and although some people blame it for not getting accepted into colleges and jobs, I honestly think we’re pretty racism-free. 
Q. Are people from Texas all cowboys (and girls)?
A. Nope! I know several people from Texas and some of them have never even ridden a horse..
Q. Do people is the US really get homeschooled because kids are mean?
A. Oh, no. I’m homeschooled because my mom loves teaching, but I’ve never even gone to school. I’ve heard of lots of people begging to be homeschooled because of bullying or just hating school, but most parents don’t just pull their kids from school and homeschool them just because of jerks.
Q. Are there really different accents in different US states?
A. Yes! In the south, people say ”y’all”, and in Boston people pronounce ‘er’ as ‘ah’ (chowder vs chowdah).
Q. Do most people have blond hair in America?
A. Actually, brunette is more common. A lot of brunettes dye their hair blonde, which could contribute to the stereotype, and then there’s Barbie dolls, so that might be it. But for the record, I’m blonde, haha.
Q. Do all youtubers really live in America
A. Um, no, I’m pretty sure Youtubers live all over the world. Exhibit A: Agoverseasfan. Boom.
Q. Does everyone really hate Donald Trump?
A. Oh, dear me, no. I certainly don’t, it’s really just the media who wants his head on a platter. Really, he only got elected because he was a  billion times better than Hillary Clinton, who would have killed the country a billion different ways, and is also a complete crook. So…yeah, no.
Haha, so clearly, Bayance’s got some warped views of Americans…go check out my probably even more warped views of Canadians in her post.
Thanks for reading, guys!
Favorite stereotype? Thoughts on Kinder Surprise Eggs?
lQTi3dvT

 

 

5 Hilarious Ways To Deal With Telemarketers

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It’s my 42nd post! Which, if you are an intelligent life form, you should know is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. Cheers, cupcakes! 

Telemarketers. We all hate them. I mean, seriously, why? Yes, I know they make a living doing this, but most of them just will not give up trying to sell you some kind of car insurance. When you hang up, they call again, and again, and again….super annoying. In an effort to make these irritating callers go away, I came up with several great ways to make telemarketers leave you alone for good. Plus, they’re all hilarious, so what’s not to like? 

 Technique #1: The No English Trick

This one is pretty self explanatory-when you pick up the phone, string together a couple of non English words (any language will do, they don’t even have to be all the same language) and reply with that.

Telemarketer; Hello, I’m calling about a special credit card feature….

You; Quoi? Como estas mihi nomen revoir?

Telemarketer; Excuse me?

You; Je ne sais quoi? Hola nihao?

Telemarketer; *hangs up*

Sometimes it takes a couple of repetitions for them to go away, but since they normally are trying to bait as many people as possible, they’ll hang up as to not waste time.

Technique #2; Practice Your Singing

A personal favorite of mine, once you realize it’s a telemarketer, wait for them to finish their opening line, and then start singing whatever song makes you happy-very loudly. I love belting out Weird Al or songs from Hamilton (especially You’ll Be Back-gets ’em every time) but anything will work as long as you sing it loud and clear. If the person on the other end doesn’t hang up in 5.7 seconds, consider it a great compliment.

Telemarketer: Hello, I’d like to speak to….about a great deal on car insurance…

You; ”To ten million fireflies/I’m weird ’cause I hate goodbyes/I got misty-eyed as they said FAREWELL…(Fireflies//Owl City)

Telemarketer;….I’m sorry-what are you-can I just say-*hangs up*

Of course, you get the most satisfaction if the telemarketer splutters and keeps trying to get a word in edgewise while you’re singing.

Technique #3; Tell It Like It Is

This trick works especially well on numbers that have been calling you for a while and you just want to get rid of them-just inform them that you are a) a minor and therefore b) they’re wasting their time.

Telemarketer; How would you like to pay your mortgage off in two years?

You; Well, sure that’d be nice….

Telemarketer; Yes…but?

You; But I happen to be a minor female child with a lot of attitude who has your number…

Telemarketer; Um…oh…er…

You; So what was that you were saying about paying off a mortgage?

Telemarketer; *hangs up*

This one is sometimes the most satisfactory.

Technique #4; The Knock-Knock Trick

Okay, sometimes I like getting telemarketers just so I can mess with them. With this technique, just use your favorite knock-knock joke, and I guarantee that number will never call again.

Telemarketer; Hello, I have important information regarding an insurance policy that will pay for itself!

You; Knock-Knock!

Telemarketer; Uh…what?

You; Interrupting cow!

Telemarketer; What are you-

You; MOOOOOOOO!!!

Telemarketer; *hangs up*

Another tip-just saying ”MOOOOO!” very loudly until they hang up is also very handy.

Technique #5; Answering Machine

Another favorite, simply pretend the call has gone to voicemail. Feel free to make the voicemail for anything of anywhere-like Hogwarts or the LEPRecon.

Telemarketer; Hello, I’d like to-

You; Hello, you have reached Camp Half-Blood, 2245 Long Island, New York. We are currently not available due to the fact that we regularly decapitate bloodthirsty monsters, but if you would leave your name and number after the tone….

Telemarketer; *Hangs up*

I recommend using a fictional place everyone knows about for maximum hilarity, but anything works. (if I ever come across a telemarketer who knows what AF is I’ll be happy forever)

Using my techniques,hopefully you can at least have fun when you get junk calls. Because once you get the hang of these, it’s almost entertaining. Sort of like prank calling someone but without actually prank calling someone, haha.

Most ridiculous call you’ve ever received? Favorite way to deal with telemarketers?

lQTi3dvT

 

 

 

Two Truths+A Lie Blogger Edition

Two Truths+Lie
Well, hello there!
I’m back today with a revamped version of a popular party game-Two Truths and a Lie. Essentially, someone states three facts about themselves, two are true, one is false. Everyone else has to guess which one is the lie, and the person who guesses the most correctly gets a point. Today I’m here with the awesome Bayance and Emmie, and we’re going to see which friend knows me better. Ready?
A. I don’t have pierced ears, I only wear clip-ons.
B. My birthday is in January.
C. I have five siblings.
Emmie; The lie is… C.
Bayance; WHAT! How do I not know when your birthday is?? I know C is right but….!! *quickly scans all comments and emails and blog posts* AHAAAA I found it! On June 6 2018, on AGG, you posted Birthdays and Beginnings. Mwahahaha – so A is a lie. And wow, I can’t believe I never asked for your birthday. I’ll be sure to send you Flash merch next year xD. 
Wait, what? Yes, the lie is A, but…I posted that in  January?  (but please do still send me Flash merch.) Emmie, you’d better believe it, I do have five siblings, crazy, eh? XD
A. I have three cats.
B. I’m lactose intolerant.
C. My favorite drink is coke.
Emmie; C
Bayance; C IS THE LIEEE. We literally talked about doing a Why I Hate Pop collab so ding ding ding XD
Ding-ding-ding!! One point for both of you!
A. I share a room with my two sisters
B. I take ballet and tap
C. I knit
Emmie; A
Bayance; Okay B is right. Andd found it again. On taking the cake, Natalie posted 10 Things she can’t live without and one of them was yarn aka crochet and knitting. So yay! The lie is A. Wow this slowly is turning into tracking down facts about Natalie because I’m a terrible friend. 
Nope, I do share a room with my sisters and I suck at anything other than ballet…but nice one on the yarn! (I’m starting to envy people who have their own rooms…)
A. I’ve been blogging on TTC since 2017
B. I live on a farm
C. I’m nearsighted
Emmie; B
Bayance; Ha. Ha. Ha. You started TTC on your birthday actually but of 2018. So that makes A the lie. Wow I’m seriously cheating right now.
One point for Bayance…sorry, Emmie! Although maybe I shouldn’t count that because even Bay admits that was cheating?
A. My favorite bands are Kaleo and Owl City
B. I also love Britt Nicole
C. I prefer earbuds to headphones
Emmie; C
Bayance; Whattt? Okay I’m too lazy to search these up but I think the lie is C?
GUYS SERIOUSLY. I hate Britt Nicole with a fiery passion, haven’t I ranted on this yet? (nothing on Britt Nicole the person but her songs seriously make me want to bang my head against a wall.) No points given!
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A. I hate guacamole
B. I hate rodents
C. I hate anything grape-flavored
Emmie; B
Bayance; It’s gotta be C. You did say you loved Avocado so the first one’s not true…wait. Omg I’m so dumb. A is the lie haha.
Didn’t I do a post where I said I hated rodents?? A is the lie, guacamole is amazing, lol. One point for Bayance (I’m totally not keeping track here, oops)
A. I just got my second pair of pointe shoes
B. I wear Bloch European Balance
C. I never get pointe blisters
Emmie; C. Hands down.
Bayance; C IS A LIEEE! Right? I mean I’d get toe funerals if I ever wear them so blisters are almost guaranteed!
Okay, this was actually one of the hardest ones because I’m pretty sure only like 5% of the ballerina population avoids blisters, but A is the lie. I have never gotten a pointe blister, I’m so special, lol.

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A. I just got contacts
B. I just got a second piercing in my ears
C. I just got my left and right splits
Emmie; A
 Bayance; According to Life Updates in February 2018, you just got your left splits so…did you get the right ones? Waait a second. On my contacts post, you absolutely hated them but don’t you dance? I DON’T KNOW. Okay I’ll go with B.
Yay, Bayance!! I want a second hole really bad, but I’m not allowed to get one until my 14th birthday….*sniff* One point for Bay!
A. I’m a sucker for grammar
B. I’m a sucker for spelling
C. I’m a sucker for soda
Emmie; B?
Bayance; GRAMMAR AND SPELLING ARE LIKE RELATED. Oh wait that makes it easier. C is the lie. 
Another one for Bayance…Emmie, are you doing okay there??
Hang in there, this is the last one!
A. When I was five, I backflipped off a wagon onto pavement and got a concussion
B. Once, the FBI showed up at my house.
C. I can hold a handstand for five minutes.
Emmie;…..?
Bayance; Woaah. C is probably the lie. I barely did 5 seconds in 5th grade and broke my collarbone so… But wait, in China it’s regular to hold it for 40 minutes. Ughhh! Fine I’m still going with C. You need to tell me about the first two.
I BETTER GET 50%!! 
Wow, Bay, you totally called that one. I had to wrack my brains to think of weird impossible things for this last one and you guessed it, I’m impressed….wait, you do know what the FBI is right? (oh, nevermind, yes you do, this post)
Anyway, yes, I did backflip off a wagon in kindergarten and get a concussion, and the FBI DID show up at my house once (no, nobody was arrested, they were interviewing someone on the Russian Adoption Ban)
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And now the score is…
*scrolls back up to count points*
Today’s champion is your very own (if you’re Canadian, I guess?) Bayance, with 6.5 points! (the half is because she admitted she cheated on that one).
Apparently, Bayance knows me better than Emmie, but maybe that’s just because I comment weird things on Bay’s blog?
Anyway, thanks for reading and being part of the TTC crew!
Have you ever played two truths and a lie? What’s one really weird thing about you?
lQTi3dvT

How Well Does An American Know Canada? Ft. Bayance

How Much Does An American Know About Canada_

Canada and the United States. They’re literally stacked on top of each other, and are pretty tolerant of each other, so therefore we probably know at least a preliminary amount about each other-right?

Well today I’m being joined by my internet bestie and utterly fabulous blogger Bayance, to see if that’s actually true. She’s Canadian, I’m American (still trying to figure out how to mail myself across the border so we can hang out, any ideas are welcome)and we both asked each other trivia questions about our own country. Without too much googling, we had to answer them. Make sure to go over to  Bayance’s post, where I quiz her on her knowledge of the USA.

Annnnnd I’ve been chattering way too long, so let’s get started

Questions are in bold
My answers are in plain text
Bayance is in italics
1. Who is Canada’s prime minister?
Um…what’s a prime minister? Haha, just kidding, it’s like the president…sort of? Is it…um…William Robert Joseph, aka Billy Bob Joe?
WHAT?! I thought that was a legit president but no. 😂 It’s Justin Trudeau and yeah it’s kind of like a president. 
2. What is the capital of Canada?
Regina? Saskatchewan?
Okay this is disappointing. I thought you’d be like everyone else and say Toronto or Montreal but nope, the fricking prairies. 😂Lol it’s Ottowa.
I’m sorry I had to say this, so wow, Canadians named Otto have a whole city? Sweet Monkey Fritters.
Oh, wait, but then again, all the Marys in the USA have a whole state, Maryland, so I guess that’s not too novel.
3. When was Canada founded?
Uhhh…1889? 1915? I really have no idea.
Eh..kind of close. 1867.
4. What is Canada’s population?
800,000. Yes, that was supposed to sound confident but it was a complete guess.
Bruh we’re the second largest country in the world. It’s 38 million. 😂
Seriously how did I not know that like what??
whatdidyousay
5. How many time zones does Canada have?
Hmmm….3? We have four, but one is really small, so….
Six lol 😂
6. What is a two dollar bill called in Canada?
OH! I know this one because you mentioned it in a post that for some reason I remember when I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast today. It’s called a toonie, yes?
Yayyy your first point. Btw funny story – today my siblings had an event and they sold toonie jars and you have to roll the dice and pay $2 to get a jar full of treats from the school. And guess what one of the ones we got was? Glue and popsicle sticks like whattt? It was so sad because I was really expecting those good chocolate bars but no. So now whenever my sister asks me a question, I reply with toonie in a very weird accent because I’m still traumatized. Lol wow I’m so dramatic but anyways.
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7. How many provinces and territories are in Canada? Which one is the largest?
12 provinces (I’m sorry, I looked this one up) and I’m guessing for territories…four? Eight? I have no idea bout size, though.
Nice try – 10 provinces and 3 territories. Nunavut is the biggest. 
8. Who was the first prime minister of Canada?
Barry Allen! Justin Bieber! Nelson Mandela! (zero clue on this one)
I’m actually going to cry from these answers. 😂😂Really, Justin Bieber? It’s John A. Mcdonald.
9. What is the National anthem called?
Well there’s this slightly off color American joke about the national anthem, saying that it basically goes ”Oh, oh, oh, maple syrup and some mooses….” but I’m assuming that’s NOT how it goes…um, is it ”Plaid Flannel Shirts Forever”? or ”It’s Always Freezing Here?”
Okay I really don’t get all these stereotypes. They sell maple syrups in like supermarkets and I’ve never seen a moose so…😂 Hey, flannel shirts are bae! And no it’s called ‘O Canada’ and it goes ”Ohhh Canada our home and native landdd true patriot loveee-”okay you can search it up. 😂
WHATT YOU’VE NEVER SEEN A MOOSE?? I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY

noidea

10. Draw a Canadian flag and insert it here.

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I drew this on the back of my Latin quiz so cross your fingers I won’t have to explain the whole thing to my Latin teacher because it’ll make me sound nuts
Hey, that’s not too bad! But the maple leaf has more corners than that lol. But what’s with the Ho?

So…essentially I know almost nothing about Canada, except what they call their $2 bill. But hey, at least this was funny. Stay tuned for next week’s stereotypes post, where we find out if Canadians really do drink maple syrup and if Americans really do think Kinder eggs are more hazardous than weapons.
Are you Canadian or American? If not, what are you*?
Don’t forget to check out Bayance’s post because it’s bound to be way better than mine!
lQTi3dvT
*Hopefully a person, but I mean like where are you from, lol

Dear Pinterest…

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Dear Pinterest, where would I be without you? On my darkest days, you were there in my favorites bar to console me with ridiculous memes that are only funny when you’re desperate.

Then again, without you, I’d probably have done better on that Latin final, because I’d have studied more if you weren’t there to distract me every 30 seconds.

But you did have gloriously colorful tantalizing pictures of cute flash cards that I was drooling over.

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Yet, the problem with you is that the ideas I get from your library of approximatley 4.7 gazillion images and ideas always turn out looking terrible, from that failed crochet unicorn (ended up with a depressed looking groundhog with a misshapen lump on his forehead) to that time I tried to make keto fudge sauce (ended up with gaggingly sweet chocolate glop).

You were there for all my obsessions, from the ones that lasted two minutes (ombre hair) to the ones that have lasted two years (The Flaaaaaaash….Artemis Fowl!!!)

 

You made me realize that while I may be painfully socially awkward, a complete weirdo, geek, and nerd, I’m not the only one.

There are plenty of other people with my problem, we just only come together on the internet. Oh, joy.

I literally have a board entitled ”So True” for all those pins that make me go; ”OH D’ARVIT YAS”

Dear Pinterest, thank you for being there for all my fangirling needs;


But please, stop making me want so many things, for the love of lemurs, I’m never going to be able to get all of this, I have no money.

Pinterest, thank you for introducing me to LoadingArtist, Odd1sOut, and Sheldon thee Tiny Dinosaur, three hilarious webcomics that have kept me laughing (”What do I have to live for? Oh, wait, new LoadingArtist on Tuesday!”).

Dear Pinterest, you are many things, a distraction, and a great tool. (But mostly a distraction)

So thank you.

Yours Always, Except When I Have Schoolwork Or My Laptop Is Dead,

lQTi3dvT

Thoughts On Pinterest?

Google Translate

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Hello, cupcakes! To put it quite bluntly, today I’m running random things through Google Translate to see just how badly it messes things up. Let’s just jump right in, because I have a feeling this will be hysterical.

To start, I sent a simple sentence through.

This is what happens when you run something through Google translate too many times.

 

This happens when you use Google Translate often.

Not so bad. I translated it from English to Spanish to French to Lithuanian and back to English. It still has some of what I said in it…

But what happens when you send song lyrics through the translator?

I got this life to fix
Threw it all out in a ditch
Broken down when I was sick
Gotta build it back up brick by brick
I got this life to fix
Threw it all out in a ditch
Broken down when I was sick
Gotta build it back up brick by brick

I left my home today
I didn’t have that much to say
This time alone is all I got
Singing my song in the parking lot
Every day I wake this way
Some the days I just can’t take
Get that money, get that break
You ain’t gonna win if you ain’t gonna play

Life To Fix|The Record Company

Annnnd here’s what Google Translate spit out;

I found this life to be resolved
He retired to a box
I broke up when I was sick
I have to rebuild bricks in the brick
I found this life to be resolved
He retired to a box
I broke up when I was sick
I have to rebuild bricks in the brick

Today I left my house
I did not say much
This time is the only thing I have
Singing my song in the park
Every day after this route
Some days I can not take
Take that money, take that rest
You will not get a victory if you are not playing

What Google Translate Spat Out|Google

*cracks up* That was my favorite song run through from English to Irish to Italian to Spanish. ”He retired to a box?” Where the heck did that come from?

So what about poems? (I’m feeling wicked now).

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Google, however, gave me this;
Spread two roads in a yellow forest,
And I’m sorry, I could not travel so much
And being a traveler, I stood up for a long time
And I looked down, as far as possible
At the point he focused in the brush;
Then he took the other, just as right,
And maybe it’s the best application
Because he was covered with grass and looking for clothes,
Who belongs to the passage there
I really used them in the same way, 

And these two mornings were so calm
In the leaves, step by step was not black.
Oh, I kept the next one for another day!
However, I know how the road goes to the street
I suspect it will never come back.

I say with a sigh
Somewhere, age and age, then:
I left two roads in a forest, and I,
I visited at least,
And that did that difference.

What Google Translate Spat Out by Google

To be honest, I think this isn’t too bad. But ”he was covered in grass and looking for clothes?” What?? Next time I’m supposed to memorize a poem, I’m totally going to do the translated version

I just know Google will mangle this. For my final act, I’m running a text conversation through Irish, Italian, Spanish, and back to English.

NTgxNDE2

That’s what my friend and I actually said.

Google Translate, however, disagrees.

NTgxNDE2

*facedesks* Hahahahahaha!!! I had no idea I that I’m CEO of Google Translate. But then again, apparently I’m ”despairing”, so maybe that’s why I haven’t noticed!

Wow, this post was really fun to make. Hope you guys laughed as much as I did!

Thoughts on Google Translate and Robert Frost?

lQTi3dvT

 

5 Hilarious Things That Make No Sense

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Hello, there, pretzels! Happy Friday! Today I’ve got a roundup of some ridiculous/funny/downright hilarious things that make no sense. From mourning burned-down taco restaurants to children’s songs about killing birds, some things make you stop and think! XD

1. ‘Alouette’

ATbr7ogyc.jpgMost people have heard it. It’s a French children’s song. 99% of people who hear it once get it stuck in their heads and sing it repetitively until somebody smacks them. It’s about a bird, we all know. But what else, who knows? Well, according to google translate, this is what you’re singing;

Lark, Nice Lark,
Lark, I’ll pluck you,
Lark, Nice Lark,
Lark, I’ll pluck you,
I’ll pluck your head off,
(I’ll pluck your head)
and head
(and head)
Alouette
Alouette)
O-O-O-OH

Lark, Nice Lark,
Lark, I’ll pluck you,
Lark, Nice Lark,
Lark, I’ll pluck you,
I’ll pluck your beak,
(I’ll pluck your beak)
and head
(and head)
and beak
(and Beak)
Alouette
Alouette)
O-O-O-OH

Lark, Nice Lark,
Lark, I’ll pluck you,
Lark, Nice Lark,
Lark, I’ll pluck you,
I’ll pluck your back,
(I’ll pluck your back)
and head
(and head)
and beak
(and Beak)
and back
(and back)
Alouette
Alouette)
O-O-O-OH

I kid you not. Seems like French children must be particularly violent…

2. Candlelight Vigils for Taco Bell

Check out the original article here

”When a beloved Taco Bell restaurant in Montgomery, Alabama, went up in flames last week, the fire destroyed the building.

No, no one was actually harmed in the fire, but it seemed to leave many Taco Bell fans in mourning.

In fact, more than 100 of them gathered for a candlelight vigil.”

My first reaction?

Hahahahahahahahaha!

”Oh, it’s so terrible! Where am I going to get nachos at 11:30 at night? What will I do when I crave tacos at 1 AM?” *sobs*

My second thought?

Why are you holding a candlelight vigil when those are a fire hazard? Just saying.

My third reaction?

I need a taco…

3. Pizza

 

The box is square. Yet the pie is a circle. Can I ask why? Did you not go to preschool? This has always puzzled me.

4. Cartoon Character’s Clothing

the-simpsons-couch-1280jpg-552cbc_1280w.jpg

Why do they wear the same thing episode after episode? WHY? Is it so hard for their outfit to change?

5. Fun Size Candy

mm-peanut-fun-size_1.jpg

So…um, why is it so much fun to get less candy? And they cost way more…and you get like, 8 M&MS. Someone please explain this to me.

 

I hope you guys enjoyed my crazy rambling little rant, and I’m sorry this post was a day late. I’m a lazy person.

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