Loser With A Dream

Ever have your dreams crushed?

Fun, right?

Let me explain.

A few weeks ago, I auditioned for the ballet company I’ve been trying to get into for three years.

I honestly thought I had a decent shot this year.

Maybe I did, but a chance is still a chance, and when results came out, I got a rejection letter.

…But it was all a mistake, and they meant to send me an acceptance letter and a note saying that I was the greatest dancer they’d ever seen and they were retroactively giving me every solo and pas du deux role they had for all future shows.

I’m kidding, of course. I got a rejection letter and nothing else, then spent three hours in my tree house crying.

And that wasn’t even the worst of it.

Then I found out that two of the girls from what I have privately dubbed “the unholy trio of extreme social jerkishness” got in.

Which will increase their jerkishness gosh-knows-how-many-times.

My friend Tara didn’t get in either. Even though she’s the kind of person who takes things in a stride, before class on Wednesday instead of chatting like we usually do, we just sat in mutual silence, both of us wondering how on earth Sophie and Gina got in and we didn’t. Finally, Tara said, “I sort of feel like a loser.”

I knotted my ribbons slightly tighter than was probably necessary. “That’s okay, we’re losers with a dream!

(Tara just laughed, since she’s used to my insanity)

It was probably not what most people would have said. But this, friends, is what happens to my sense of humor when my dreams get crushed two years in a row. (There was also the matter of the cat, but that’s a story for another day)

If I’m a loser

And I don’t feel ashamed

Life goes on; and if I’m wrong

I guess I’ll burn in flames

~Pocket Full Of Gold//American Authors

So at the moment, I can unabashedly say that last week sucked like a Dyson Vacuum Cleaner. (One of those crazily suction enhanced ones)

But you know what? Just because my circumstances suck doesn’t mean I’m going to let life suck. No, I didn’t get into company. Yes, I’m a loser. But I’m a loser with a dream. And I’m going use everything to my advantage. Life goes on, and as long as I’m breathing and have all my limbs, I’ll be dancing.

Unless the moon explodes

And the sun grows cold

Life will always

It always goes on

~Pocket Full Of Gold//American Authors

Not that’s it’s going to be at all easy. But the amount of support I’ve received after not getting in has helped so much. My entire family tiptoed around me for two days, my little brother trekked through the woods to find my lost ear buds, my mom got me new t-shirts, and my older brother watched my favorite show with me. My friends have been amazing too, especially considering I’ve been a depressed lump last week. Phoenix-Phaedrana sent me freaking adorable cat pictures, my friend Nina made me laugh by just being the wonderful, sweet person she is, and Bayance, who didn’t even know anything was wrong, left me her signature hilarious and apt comments which helped so much.

And hey, not being in company means I can audition for other shows in the area, including a really cool one called Swan Song featuring soul-selling choreographers and tons of dancer jokes. And it means I have extra time to do private pointe lessons.

It’s not what I planned on or fantasized about. But this is plan B, and like Hannibal Smith perpetually says in The A-Team, “I love it when a plan comes together.”

(Never mind that something almost always explodes or goes awry thirty seconds after he says that line)

I had hoped to be learning things like demi-solos and pointe variations this year. Instead, I’m learning different skills, like overcoming obstacles, initiating a plan B, and some serious acting as I stalwartly refuse to let the jerks get to me.

(Also, horror movie screaming. I’ve been screaming into my pillow a lot, but even my angriest screams sound like those terrified ones in misogynistic horror movies where someone just saw a bloody knife. Not a skill I ever thought I’d want or have, but I’ll take what I can get.)

Bottom line? Life isn’t perfect, but it does have the redeeming feature of going on (most of the time).

Throughout this year, I’m going to be auditioning for shows outside of my dance schools, so I’ll make sure to give you updates every now and then.

This year isn’t going to be all terrible, because I have declared and decided so. And that’s half the battle. (Okay, probably close to 35%)

Stay determined, guys. Or just stay in denial, that works too.

Favorite quote for when life is less than ideal?

37 thoughts on “Loser With A Dream

  1. NATALIE!!! Oh my goodness, I feel terrible for you! But you know what? YOU’RE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS. Those jerks can’t get to you, because you’re an amazing awesome dancer and totally deserved to be in that company! Listen, we’re all losers with a dream. Even my dog is a loser with a dream because he aspires to be a cow but he has trouble digesting the grass he tries to nibble. (Yes. My dog is weird.)
    Ugh I know how hard rejection can be, it stinks, but like I said before YOU’RE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS! I mean there’s so many worse things that could’ve happened. You have a family that loves and adores and supports you (and will hike into the woods to get your earbuds for you), and all of your awesome amazing friends (including me! *flips hair* *jk*), and you can still dance!
    My favorite quote for when life stinks is by the amazing, wonderful Madi from Life Undefeated and DWOD: “When life gives you lemons, you squeeze them in it’s eyes and kick it’s butt.” BEST. QUOTE. EVER.
    Hopefully this weird, extremely long, all-over-the-place and not funny at all comment encouraged you and hopefully made you laugh. Love you!! If you ever need to talk, just email me, because I’m here!
    ~Emmie (who has a very strange sense of humor, as you can see by this comment)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. EMMIE! Can we just talk about how amazing amd sweet and supportive you are?!? THANK YOU SO MUCH! Yes, with awesome friends like you by my side, I will kick life’s behind so hard it’ll be on a liquid diet and be drinking the lemons. Haha!! Best of luck to your bovine-aspiring dog! He sounds so cute and funny.
      Thank you so much, Emmie, your comments make even the worst days better.
      {Natalie}

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you for being so vulnerable with us. ❤ I believe in you! And you will accomplish your goals and dreams. I know it. And things like that happen, I've been rejected many times, and it stings. *hugs* I hope you keep trying! And if that doesn't work there are alwas other ways to win the day! Good luck!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hey,
    “When at first you don’t succeed, try, try, again.”
    I’ll bet your an amazing daner, and you put your heart and soul into every single little thing you do. And Jesus loves that.
    I know your an Catholic, and your probably not used to hearing this, and this is going to be really hard for me to say but,
    Maybe that isn’t what God has in-store for you. Trust me, Gods plans are Perfect. I mean, he created the world didn’t he? (Also, he said it was very good, before sin came into the world. You probably already knew that but, I guess I’ll add it in)
    God has an awesome fate planned out for you. All you can do is have faith and trust that his plans are for the good.
    Keep Doing what you love!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂
    ~Mary~
    Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD . “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. When ur going through hell, keep going 😉

    I’m so sorry to hear all this lol. But I’m glad you’re pushing through. Keep praying and trying again ❤ and good luck with the further auditions!

    *goes to add Pocket Full Of Gold to meh playlist*

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Awhhh Natalie!!! That’s awful! But honestly? If you ask me you were wayyy too good for that school – yes, seriously! Sometime in the future, you’ll definitely get into a better school! Maybe this one wasn’t quite right for you and you’re destined for something bigger (;

    Awh please don’t cry over this, we’re all here for you! Girlll you always leave such lovely comments on my posts and they always cheer me up, now I hope to be that person for you! You can email me whenever you want to just talk or rant or complain about life at livinguniquelyme@gmail.com

    UGH I WANT TO FREAKING KILL THOSE AUDITIONERS (is that a word?) YOU’RE WAY TOO GOOD FOR THEM! Girl you are beautiful in every possible way and don’t you EVER doubt that you’re not good enough!! I’m here for you every step of the way xoxoxoxoxox

    UniquelyMe ❄️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ahhh, UniquelyMe, you’re so sweet!! This company is my first choice, and I’m definitely going to keep trying for it, but I’m also considering other options. I’ll be so awesome I’ll make them sorry they didn’t let me in, haha.
      There have been days when I’ve cried, but I’m done with crying now and I’m going to DO stuff! Yes, I will definitely email you if I’m down! You’re so positive and amazing and sweet.
      (I have no idea, I never know what to call them. Auditioners? Judges? Overseers? Who knows.) AH, thank you so much! On my worst days it helps so much to know I have all these amazing people every step of the way ❤
      {Natalie}

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Awhh no problem girl! As cheesy as it may sound, reach for the stars! YES MAKE THEM SORRY BECAUSE IF YOU DON’T I WILL 😂 Awh thank you but seriously I’m just telling the truth!
        #AUDITIONERS
        Of course, don’t let any negative vibes get you down! xoxo

        UniquelyMe ❄️

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Hey Nat, I will be praying for you. Life is tough sometimes. I tend to beat myself about stuff too, but I’m glad you are not letting it keep you down. 🙂 God has a plan for you though.
    Also, I love that you used that quote by Hannibal. XD
    IDK if you watch Ireland Boys on YouTube, but they came out with a hilarious song recently (well… it’s meant to be a joke, not a top quality song whatsoever), and your post made me think of it. It’s called Winner, but it starts out with:
    “I’m a little loser
    I’m such a loser
    Man, I’m a loser!”
    It’s about losing all the time but not letting that get you down. It’s super funny and I just thought I let you know about it. It turns around and becomes positive. It might lift your spirits. 🙂
    -Jewel
    https://treasuredscript.com/
    http://www.dollnotebook.com/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Jewel! It definitely is, but it’s much easier with friends like you 😊
      Isn’t the A-Team awesome?
      I had never heard of them, but that song sounds so funny, I’ll look them up!
      Song recommendations are one of the things I love most, thank you again!
      {Natalie}

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Things have totally gone wrong for me before and it still gets me upset but not as bad as it used to. I am honestly the kind of person who believes dreams come true (even if it isn’t the exact timing I wanted).
    Hmmm, I guess my favorite quote would actually be song lyrics from “That’s My Girl” by Fifth Harmony.
    You’ve been down before
    You’ve been hurt before
    You got up before
    You’ll be good to go, good to go
    Xoxo
    McKayla
    http://Www.crazycountrydolls.blogspot.com
    http://Www.thetalesofatriplethreat.blogspot.com

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Well firstly, I’m really sorry that you didn’t get in. I would’ve been kinda mad too 😦 keep working hard, keep being the amazing person that you are and you will definitely succeed. Like, 100%!!!! ❤
    And secondly can I just say that I FREAKING LOVE THE MESSAGE OF THIS POST.
    In a way, we're all losers with dreams, we all fail, we all get back up again and we keep doing what we love ❤
    Sending huge hugs to you, my lovely xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw, thank you so much, Gracie! You leave such uplifting comments!
      TYSM! I wasn’t really aiming for a super profound message, originally this was just going to be one long rant, but somehow it happened this way, and I’m really glad it did.
      *sends hugs back* ❤
      {Natalie}

      Like

      1. You’re so welcome ❤ That's exactly the same it always happens with me – I start ranting about something I'm mad and/or passionate about haha and then somehow it turns into something kinda deep?! *shrugs*
        Anyway, lots of love and hugs xx

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Hey Natalie! Just wanted to let you know that I sent you an email a couple of days ago that may or may not have something to do with DD…;) Please make sure to check it out! Thank you so much!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Believe it or not, at 40 years old, I totally understand how you feel! I’ve always been the second, third or fourth (or lesser) and hardly ever the first pick. It sucks! But you just keep going! You’re going to win eventually!

    And Dysons really aren’t that great lol!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. THE FACT THAT I DIDNT READ THIS UNTIL NOW IS ILLEGAL

    WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS COMPANY REJECTED YOU I GOT MY NEW HEELS READY TO HIT THE SUPERVISER OF THAT DANCE COMPANY RNNN HOW COULD THEY REJECT THE QUEEN I DONT UNDERSTAND ما فهمت JE NE COMPRENDE PAS HOW MANY LANGUAGES DO THEY NEED THAT IN DHSGSUJSHSY

    You’re right – anger and denial won’t get you anywhere. And I love the ‘loser w/ a dream’ even tho you’re not a loser and it’s actually the company that is 😔 Anyways, I’m so proud of how strong you are for taking a bad situation and finding the best in it. I hope a better company accepts you. Maybe it wasn’t what’s meant to be so that a better plan can take place. Hope something good happens soon! Stay optimistic ❤️❤️

    Great posy and if the company rejects you one more time, I have my toe shoes and I’m not afraid to use them

    Liked by 1 person

    1. AHHH, BAY! YOU ARE SO AMAZING!! Just reading your comments makes me feel like I can do anything 😊
      Lollll, I sure feel like a loser sometimes, but nothing can take away my dream, so there’s that.
      Ahhhhh, you are so sweet!! Yes, for right now I’m trusting that God has a plan. Hopefully one that involves dancing a pas de deux 😂😂
      YES YOU GO GIRL! Use Bloch brand, they could literally kill someone 😜
      Amazing commy!!
      {Natalie}

      Liked by 1 person

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