5 Hilarious Ways To Deal With Telemarketers

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It’s my 42nd post! Which, if you are an intelligent life form, you should know is the answer to life, the universe, and everything. Cheers, cupcakes! 

Telemarketers. We all hate them. I mean, seriously, why? Yes, I know they make a living doing this, but most of them just will not give up trying to sell you some kind of car insurance. When you hang up, they call again, and again, and again….super annoying. In an effort to make these irritating callers go away, I came up with several great ways to make telemarketers leave you alone for good. Plus, they’re all hilarious, so what’s not to like? 

 Technique #1: The No English Trick

This one is pretty self explanatory-when you pick up the phone, string together a couple of non English words (any language will do, they don’t even have to be all the same language) and reply with that.

Telemarketer; Hello, I’m calling about a special credit card feature….

You; Quoi? Como estas mihi nomen revoir?

Telemarketer; Excuse me?

You; Je ne sais quoi? Hola nihao?

Telemarketer; *hangs up*

Sometimes it takes a couple of repetitions for them to go away, but since they normally are trying to bait as many people as possible, they’ll hang up as to not waste time.

Technique #2; Practice Your Singing

A personal favorite of mine, once you realize it’s a telemarketer, wait for them to finish their opening line, and then start singing whatever song makes you happy-very loudly. I love belting out Weird Al or songs from Hamilton (especially You’ll Be Back-gets ’em every time) but anything will work as long as you sing it loud and clear. If the person on the other end doesn’t hang up in 5.7 seconds, consider it a great compliment.

Telemarketer: Hello, I’d like to speak to….about a great deal on car insurance…

You; ”To ten million fireflies/I’m weird ’cause I hate goodbyes/I got misty-eyed as they said FAREWELL…(Fireflies//Owl City)

Telemarketer;….I’m sorry-what are you-can I just say-*hangs up*

Of course, you get the most satisfaction if the telemarketer splutters and keeps trying to get a word in edgewise while you’re singing.

Technique #3; Tell It Like It Is

This trick works especially well on numbers that have been calling you for a while and you just want to get rid of them-just inform them that you are a) a minor and therefore b) they’re wasting their time.

Telemarketer; How would you like to pay your mortgage off in two years?

You; Well, sure that’d be nice….

Telemarketer; Yes…but?

You; But I happen to be a minor female child with a lot of attitude who has your number…

Telemarketer; Um…oh…er…

You; So what was that you were saying about paying off a mortgage?

Telemarketer; *hangs up*

This one is sometimes the most satisfactory.

Technique #4; The Knock-Knock Trick

Okay, sometimes I like getting telemarketers just so I can mess with them. With this technique, just use your favorite knock-knock joke, and I guarantee that number will never call again.

Telemarketer; Hello, I have important information regarding an insurance policy that will pay for itself!

You; Knock-Knock!

Telemarketer; Uh…what?

You; Interrupting cow!

Telemarketer; What are you-

You; MOOOOOOOO!!!

Telemarketer; *hangs up*

Another tip-just saying ”MOOOOO!” very loudly until they hang up is also very handy.

Technique #5; Answering Machine

Another favorite, simply pretend the call has gone to voicemail. Feel free to make the voicemail for anything of anywhere-like Hogwarts or the LEPRecon.

Telemarketer; Hello, I’d like to-

You; Hello, you have reached Camp Half-Blood, 2245 Long Island, New York. We are currently not available due to the fact that we regularly decapitate bloodthirsty monsters, but if you would leave your name and number after the tone….

Telemarketer; *Hangs up*

I recommend using a fictional place everyone knows about for maximum hilarity, but anything works. (if I ever come across a telemarketer who knows what AF is I’ll be happy forever)

Using my techniques,hopefully you can at least have fun when you get junk calls. Because once you get the hang of these, it’s almost entertaining. Sort of like prank calling someone but without actually prank calling someone, haha.

Most ridiculous call you’ve ever received? Favorite way to deal with telemarketers?

lQTi3dvT

 

 

 

Two Truths+A Lie Blogger Edition

Two Truths+Lie
Well, hello there!
I’m back today with a revamped version of a popular party game-Two Truths and a Lie. Essentially, someone states three facts about themselves, two are true, one is false. Everyone else has to guess which one is the lie, and the person who guesses the most correctly gets a point. Today I’m here with the awesome Bayance and Emmie, and we’re going to see which friend knows me better. Ready?
A. I don’t have pierced ears, I only wear clip-ons.
B. My birthday is in January.
C. I have five siblings.
Emmie; The lie is… C.
Bayance; WHAT! How do I not know when your birthday is?? I know C is right but….!! *quickly scans all comments and emails and blog posts* AHAAAA I found it! On June 6 2018, on AGG, you posted Birthdays and Beginnings. Mwahahaha – so A is a lie. And wow, I can’t believe I never asked for your birthday. I’ll be sure to send you Flash merch next year xD. 
Wait, what? Yes, the lie is A, but…I posted that in  January?  (but please do still send me Flash merch.) Emmie, you’d better believe it, I do have five siblings, crazy, eh? XD
A. I have three cats.
B. I’m lactose intolerant.
C. My favorite drink is coke.
Emmie; C
Bayance; C IS THE LIEEE. We literally talked about doing a Why I Hate Pop collab so ding ding ding XD
Ding-ding-ding!! One point for both of you!
A. I share a room with my two sisters
B. I take ballet and tap
C. I knit
Emmie; A
Bayance; Okay B is right. Andd found it again. On taking the cake, Natalie posted 10 Things she can’t live without and one of them was yarn aka crochet and knitting. So yay! The lie is A. Wow this slowly is turning into tracking down facts about Natalie because I’m a terrible friend. 
Nope, I do share a room with my sisters and I suck at anything other than ballet…but nice one on the yarn! (I’m starting to envy people who have their own rooms…)
A. I’ve been blogging on TTC since 2017
B. I live on a farm
C. I’m nearsighted
Emmie; B
Bayance; Ha. Ha. Ha. You started TTC on your birthday actually but of 2018. So that makes A the lie. Wow I’m seriously cheating right now.
One point for Bayance…sorry, Emmie! Although maybe I shouldn’t count that because even Bay admits that was cheating?
A. My favorite bands are Kaleo and Owl City
B. I also love Britt Nicole
C. I prefer earbuds to headphones
Emmie; C
Bayance; Whattt? Okay I’m too lazy to search these up but I think the lie is C?
GUYS SERIOUSLY. I hate Britt Nicole with a fiery passion, haven’t I ranted on this yet? (nothing on Britt Nicole the person but her songs seriously make me want to bang my head against a wall.) No points given!
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A. I hate guacamole
B. I hate rodents
C. I hate anything grape-flavored
Emmie; B
Bayance; It’s gotta be C. You did say you loved Avocado so the first one’s not true…wait. Omg I’m so dumb. A is the lie haha.
Didn’t I do a post where I said I hated rodents?? A is the lie, guacamole is amazing, lol. One point for Bayance (I’m totally not keeping track here, oops)
A. I just got my second pair of pointe shoes
B. I wear Bloch European Balance
C. I never get pointe blisters
Emmie; C. Hands down.
Bayance; C IS A LIEEE! Right? I mean I’d get toe funerals if I ever wear them so blisters are almost guaranteed!
Okay, this was actually one of the hardest ones because I’m pretty sure only like 5% of the ballerina population avoids blisters, but A is the lie. I have never gotten a pointe blister, I’m so special, lol.

special

A. I just got contacts
B. I just got a second piercing in my ears
C. I just got my left and right splits
Emmie; A
 Bayance; According to Life Updates in February 2018, you just got your left splits so…did you get the right ones? Waait a second. On my contacts post, you absolutely hated them but don’t you dance? I DON’T KNOW. Okay I’ll go with B.
Yay, Bayance!! I want a second hole really bad, but I’m not allowed to get one until my 14th birthday….*sniff* One point for Bay!
A. I’m a sucker for grammar
B. I’m a sucker for spelling
C. I’m a sucker for soda
Emmie; B?
Bayance; GRAMMAR AND SPELLING ARE LIKE RELATED. Oh wait that makes it easier. C is the lie. 
Another one for Bayance…Emmie, are you doing okay there??
Hang in there, this is the last one!
A. When I was five, I backflipped off a wagon onto pavement and got a concussion
B. Once, the FBI showed up at my house.
C. I can hold a handstand for five minutes.
Emmie;…..?
Bayance; Woaah. C is probably the lie. I barely did 5 seconds in 5th grade and broke my collarbone so… But wait, in China it’s regular to hold it for 40 minutes. Ughhh! Fine I’m still going with C. You need to tell me about the first two.
I BETTER GET 50%!! 
Wow, Bay, you totally called that one. I had to wrack my brains to think of weird impossible things for this last one and you guessed it, I’m impressed….wait, you do know what the FBI is right? (oh, nevermind, yes you do, this post)
Anyway, yes, I did backflip off a wagon in kindergarten and get a concussion, and the FBI DID show up at my house once (no, nobody was arrested, they were interviewing someone on the Russian Adoption Ban)
serious
And now the score is…
*scrolls back up to count points*
Today’s champion is your very own (if you’re Canadian, I guess?) Bayance, with 6.5 points! (the half is because she admitted she cheated on that one).
Apparently, Bayance knows me better than Emmie, but maybe that’s just because I comment weird things on Bay’s blog?
Anyway, thanks for reading and being part of the TTC crew!
Have you ever played two truths and a lie? What’s one really weird thing about you?
lQTi3dvT